In the last three months I have more than double the number of people I have dated in my whole life.  I feel like this must make me some sort of expert on dating and I feel compelled to share my knowledge with you. 

I recently watched the movie He's Just Not That Into You with my roommates and a friend, and what really stuck with me from that movie is that if a guy wants to date you he'll make it happen.

Seriously, why do girls tell themselves all of these things, "maybe he's just busy, maybe he lost my number, he's going out of town, so he probably won't call me".  If a guy wants to date you, he'll make it happen!  I'm not really too stuck in the old fashioned stereotypes that the guy should be the pursuer, but I also think that every girl deserves to be pursued.  I hate the games.  So I don't think that playing coy for coy's sake is a good idea, but if a guy wants to date you, he'll make it happen.  You will not need to text message him first, you will not need to make suggestions for a second date. 

Actually here's my list for things a guy will do when he is into you, based on my experience. 

He's Just That Into You (Dating in the Technological Age)

1.  He will contact you very shortly after the date, even if it's just to say he had a good time. 
2.  He will forget all of the rules and how he's supposed to act cool.  He'll be a dork around you because he likes you that much.
3.  He'll ask you out again!  Amazing!  You don't have to ask him out again, you don't have to suggest that you'd like to go out again.  He'll ask you out again!
4.  He'll remember every bit of physical contact that you've had.  He'll say things like, "I shook your hand twice."
5.  He'll compliment you.  Your singing, your looks, your hair.  He'll say things like "You're fun" or "You're wacky"
6.  He'll offer to fix things for you, at first almost as a suggestion, but then as a given, "I'll fix your computer."
7.  He'll IM you first.  Almost every time.  He won't pick up on the signs that you're giing him that you might not be interested, because he's just that into you!
8.  He'll tell other people that he went out with you.  He'll tell you that they hounded him for details
9.  He'll remember things you've said, like for example that your roommates are sisters.
10.  He'll tell you that things you do are cute.
11.  He'll download a whole album on itunes just because it's by your favorite artist and you've introduced him to one song on the album
12.  He'll say that he can't wait to play music with you.
13.  He says that if you ever come to hear his band he'll let you sit in on a couple of songs
14.  He'll look up hummus on google because you ate it at lunch and he had never heard of it.
15.  He'll bookmark links that you send him.
16.  He'll drive to where you live to see you
17.  He'll change his schedule around so he can talk to you.
18.  He'll watch a dancing show just so you can watch the same thing together.
19.  He'll stay up late, he'll bring you things, he'll bend over backwards to spend time with you.
 

I feel like it's safe to say that in the last two years I've had two "he's just that into you" experiences, and two "he's just not that into you" experiences.  Let me tell you ladies, the difference is night and day.  it's not that he's shy, it's not that he's busy, it's not that he's nervous, it's not that the light hasn't shown down on him yet showing him your awesomeness (although you are awesome!)  It's that he's just not that into you.

I feel like maybe, just maybe life is going to be getting amazing again soon.  I hope that everything I've gone through, that all of the tears I've shed and experiences I've had are leading me into this life that I might soon be living.

No chickens are being counted quite yet, but sometimes the pain that you've endured starts to make sense.

It has been an absolutely exhausting, absolutely wonderful weekend! 

Friday I slept on and off all day and then went into the city for the first performance of our last weekend.  As I was getting out of the shower, I had this idea to give out Golden Pencil Awards at the cast party that night, so I got the help of some of the ladies in the cast, got an extra box of pencils, labels, Sharpies, and we went to town!  They were a hit.  We presented them at the cast party, and although I think it took some people a while to warm up to what we were doing, I think that most of them had a wonderful time with them in the end.  I still heard people talking about them the next day, so I figure that's a good sign.  The awards included:

Best Thug
Best Debut on Stage
Biggest Knees
Most Likely to Come Out of the Closet
Most Likely to Go Back in the Closet
Most Likely to Date a Hip Hop Gay Man (that was mine!)
Most Likely to Induce Obesity in the Cast (given to the girl who always made us delicious cookies)
Most Likely to Use Props as Workout Equipment
Most Likely to Marry Jason Robert Brown
Best Chicken Hawk Impression
Largest Lung Capacity
Most Likely to Draw Blood

They all related to things that people had done or to inside jokes, and I think that everyone loved them.

My dad and his wife came into town late on Friday, so once I got up and moving on Saturday, we went into the city.  We parked at the place where the play was, and then walked down to a sandwich shop.  Then we walked to the mall, did the National History Museum, Botantical Gardens, etc.  That was a work out!  The last performance last night was pretty good.  I wasn't quite as sad as I thought I'd be, but I guess it just hasn't quite sunk in yet that it's all over.  After it was over we went out to the bar again, and had a pretty good time.  Although at this point I was pretty loopy after having done all that walking, not slept much, not eaten much, etc.  So with just my Sprite to drink I was pretty out of it.  There were some tears shed.  There are two guys in particular that I'm really going to miss.  We've just connected really well in a way that's quite hard to explain.

Today I took Dad and his wife to Ikea, and then we had lunch.  Then I came home and fell asleep pretty quickly!  I need to post more pictures on Facebook, so if you're my Facebook friend, be looking for those soon! 

Next weekend we have a huge Luau planned, and it's building up to be quite the party!  Games, Karaoke, friends from all over the place, food, drinks, leis, tiki torches, beach music, even an inflatable palm tree cooler!  I need to hop on the non-alchoholic beverages train this week and make sure to have some good stuff to drink.  Last party's rootbeer, cream soda, orange soda worked out pretty well, and was pretty cheap!
 

Wow.  Maunday Thursday.  The thought crossed my mind yesterday, well, last night, as I was driving past the Synagogue that it would be really cool to go to their Sedar meal, and then I realized that eating lamb would probably be involved.

I've been for some reason drawn to the Passover and to Maunday Thursday in general over the past years. 

It might have started when I helped lead a Christian Sedar meal at my church when I was in high school.  It was before I was a vegetarian, so it had to have been 10th grade or before.  I sat at the head table and read one of the parts that went with one of the parts of the meal.  Why is this night different from all other nights?

I'm also very drawn to Judaism in general.  Jesus was a Jew, and it is a religion steeped in tradition.  They are God's Original People, and for the most part, they are doing things like they've done them since the dawn of time.

In college, I had to write a Hymn Festival, and did mine based on the Haggadah (the script for the Sedar meal).  Each portion related to a Christian Hymn, and I even had to write my own.... "Surely not I, Lord,  am I the one who will disobey?  Surely not I, Lord, I don't want to turn You away".  (Or something like that)

I love Hebrew.  It's such a pretty language, and there's something innately Holy about it.

And, there's the thought that at Jesus' last supper, He did what so many Jews were doing.  He was sharing in the annual Passover meal.  But, like Jesus often did, He was taking the traditions, the covenants, even the things of this world, and making them Sacred.

I had this revelation a few years ago when I was into Hero the Rock Opera.  In this musical, Jesus (living in New York and played by Michael Tait) fed the five thousand with pretzels and hot dogs.  At first I thought to myself that many might see that as sacrilige, but then I realized the beauty of it.  There was absolutely nothing Sacred about five loaves and two fish until Jesus made it so.  He took what the average little boy would have eaten for lunch and made it into a miracle.

And so with the Sedar meal.  Jewish families had been doing this for years.  Maybe even thousands of years.  And Jesus was fulfilling his Jewish tradition.  But what excitement (and dread) He must have felt knowing that this night was going to be so very different.  And He was sharing this night with His 12 closest friends, one of which would betray Him that night.  I can't imagine doing what He knew had to be done with such peace and tranquility, to the point that no one really knew that anything was different until the Garden of Gethsemane. 

So, let me look at the Sedar-

The first part of the meal is called the Kiddush...  while looking at this website (http://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/1736/jewish/Kiddush-Yachatz.htm)  I am struck by the fact that Jewish people still won't spell out the Name of God, even in the technology of the internet.  I used to know some Christians who were former Jews, and in their emails, they would always say "G-D".  I love the way that they respect His Name.

There are special instructions for when the Passover is on a Saturday (Shabbat).  But apparently, in the Kiddush, we drink a cup of wine while seated and recling on the left side, which is a sign of freedom.

Then there's Urchatz, which is the ritual washing of hands for the vegetable.

Karaps is the vegetable, you're supposed to take a kezayit (which is as big as one olive) of the karpas (vegetable) and dip it into salt-water or vinegar while reciting the blessing.  This blessing also covers the bitter herbs (maror and korech) that will be eaten later.

Then is the Yachatz, or the breaking of the middle Matzah.  You break it in two, one piece larger than the other.  The bigger piece is set aside for later, the smaller piece is put in between two others?  (Two matzot)

Then comes the Maggid... This is the part that I apparently think of the most when I think of Passover.  It's the retelling of the Passover Story.

You raise the tray with the Matzot (unleavened bread) and recite the telling....  This is the part I really wanted to get at:

The child asks: "What makes this night different from all other nights?"

"On all nights we need not dip even once, on this night we do so twice!"

"On all nights we eat chametz or matzh, and on this night only matzah"

On all nights we eat any kind of vegetables, and on this night maror!"

"On all nights we eat sitting upright or recling, and on this night we all recline!"

Then they retell the story of the Passover.

There are many more parts, and I encourage you to check it out yourself at the website.  Especially the little cartoon Matzah on the right that says, "navigate with mr. matzah". 


Shalom!

Dear Mr. Starbucks Guy,

About 6 months ago you encouraged me to start having fabulous days, and I thought you'd be interested to know that I think it finally happened!

Two guitar lessons, a shower, great appetizers in my own kitchen, rehearsal, gay guys that make my heart flutter, being around some of the most kindhearted welcoming people ever (show people), going to the bar (yes, the bar, where I didn't eat or drink anything, but instead had great conversation), being told that I have a great figure (yes, given by a gay guy), many hugs and kisses on the cheek, coming to my temporary home to some loving animals and great leftovers.  It was a fabulous day.  You want to know more?

Well, after my guitar lessons and my shower I came downstairs to find my roommate in the kitchen with her two guy friends.  They were making appetizers (delicious bruchetta type thing with cherry tomatoes on top), and they let me share them.  I got my dishes out of the dishwasher and spent some time with them before going to rehearsal.

Then we had a great rehearsal where we practiced the funeral scene that was pretty moving.  This is such a great group of actors and I feel completely comfortable being vulnerable while on stage with them.  I feel free to try things and to challenge myself.  Of course, there was the funny awkward thing where this guy that I'm thinking might be a closet hetrosexual was comforting me on stage, but whatevs. 

Also, there were two guys (both gay) that did such a fabulous job doing their parts that they made my heart flutter.  In a way that was not fabulous, because it's kind of sad that nothing can come from my fluttering heart, but at least my heart fluttered.

Then we went out to the usual bar on Capitol Hill.  We made our way to this little corner with couches and stuff downstairs.  It was me, two straight girls, one older married straight guy, and 4 gay guys.  None of the people that I knew the best were there, and it was kind of strange that I would put myself in that kind of situation, but I did it.  I had a really great conversation with the older straight guy about songwriting.  He's working on writing a musical, and we had a great discussion about inspiration for songwriting, and eventually about the play that we're in, and race relations in the south, and racism, and heritage, and all sorts of fabulous things.  I actually used the word indicitive, and felt quite intelligent, but it was the word that came to mind and it fit.  I wasn't even searching for a big word!

They were joking about how nobody in the group had any filters, and I said that I am one big filter.  I'm like a walking filter.  One of the girls replied that I was right, that she barely even knows my name.  So... we'll call him R, one of the very flamboyant gay guys decided to ask me a question... "What's the dirtiest thing you've ever done in bed?"  That's a typical R thing to say...

Anyway, I said, "Well, I'm comfortable telling you (and everyone), that I'm what I like to call Olive Oil.  (Extra Virgin)."  To which I got the coos and everything that normally come from such an announcement.  One of the girls told me that she really commends me for that.  They were so accepting, and I told them about how it's hard sometimes, but it's really easier in the long run, that I've had my heart broken before, but that it would have been so much harder if there had been that other stuff added in.

Perhaps the most flattering thing that was said was that then "N" said (immediately after my announcement) "Can I have your body?"  What?  Everyone laughed and poked fun at what that meant, but he said, "No, you have a great figure".  I told him how much that meant to me because I've lost 30 pounds in the past year, blah, blah, blah.

Over all, tonight, Mr. Starbucks guy, I'm struck by how totally accepting theater people are.  I mean, theater people always are accepting, but I guess I had forgotten.  And I wish the Body of Christ could be more like that.  I'm not saying that we have to accept the sinful things that people do, but I wish that everyone in the Body would feel completely free to come clean with their deepest hurts and secrets, like a group of theater people after a beer or two.  Only without the beer, just the honesty and love.

I love the feeling that I could tell this group most anything without fear of being looked down upon or thought less of.  R shared a deep hurt that he had recently gone through, and it just made me want to hug him.

I wasn't expecting to get the respect and support from such a group of people over being Olive Oil, but I did, and I think that they might even envy me a bit.  (I think I even gained a new nickname out of it... Olive Oil).

It's funny to think that in my circle of friends, I know tons of people that are Olive Oil like me, but in some circles, I'm the exception to the rule.

As I left, I got great hugs, and a very sloppy kiss on the cheek.  N even said that he was going to call tomorrow about one of the job leads I got from him that I applied to.

So, Mr. Starbucks guy, I wouldn't have thought that my fabulous day would come from hanging with such an eclectic group of people at a bar, but it did.

Score one for the fabulous day. :)

What a llong and different kind of day it's been!

Last night I was really tired and went to sleep before 9:00, but then I woke up at about 12:00 and stayed awake until like 4:30 or something.  I woke up for the final time at 10 something, and I ended up being a bum and not getting to church this morning.  Hopefully next week I'll make it there.  My guitar lesson was also cancelled today because the girl had a stomach bug, so I took a shower and then went downstairs and worked on cleaning out my car, which is quite the project, but I found some guitar books which was really my main goal.  Then I went to one music store, then to another, then to another.

I think I'm going to end up going again tomorrow because I need to get another book for one of my kids that's starting tomorrow.  Yep, I have two new students tomorrow!

I went to my room and worked on cleaning that a bit and then my roommates and their friend came home so we went out on the porch and I drank root beer while they drank margaritas.  We ended up hanging out for a long time.  I ended up drinking a bit of this sweet wine that was the best tasting alcohol I've ever had (I still haven't had a whole lot at this point).  But I can understand how that kind of alcohol could get me in trouble.  I still only drank like 1/5 of a glass or something.

Anyway, so for the first time in forever I was only really in bed in the morning and now in the evening.  And I am very tired and ready for bed.

Tomorrow should be a full day.  I have 4 guitar lessons and then play practice.  I have a 1:30, 2:30, 3:30 and 5:15.  I'm thinking about looking into a guitar performance program.  I hadn't really thought that being a fulltime student would be an option, but it could be.  Then I could charge much more for guitar lessons, and be a great performer and really learn more about my craft.

I have a killer blister on my thumb.  It's starting to peel now and it's kind of a pain.  I know you probably didn't want to know that.

OK...  So here are my options as I see them:

Stay in the area:  Go Back to School
Get a full time job at the bookstore
Get a full time job at some other place

Move: Stay here until the end of June
Move to Austin
Move to North Carolina

I'm really very up in the air about where my life will go from here.

This area is great.  There's a lot of opportunity, I have great friends, and it's a very happening place.  I'm just miles away from the most powerful city in the world.

Austin would also be fun, it's artsy, I haven't looked into job opportunities there yet, though

I've got connections in North Carolina, but fear that I wouldn't be able to be a true adult there, since it's the place where I grew up.  I feel like I'd revert back to who I was, and not be able to feel like I was really grown up. 

What do you think?

"Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."

-Cs Lewis, The Four Loves

So, I'm spending the day trying not to nap, since I failed miserably at that yesterday.  One of my main goals for the day is to figure out how to scan some pictures into my computer.  I've been wanting to do that since Christmas.  In doing so, I've been putting some pics from CD into my computer continuing to try to organize all of my photos.  I found some pics of me from December 07, and I was really able to see the now 33 pounds that I've lost.  I don't ever want to be that girl again, physically, emotionally, mentally.

I mean, of course there are things about me then that were great, so I don't want to completey throw away that girl, but let's just say that in a time that I normally completely idealize I'm noticing the ways that I'm better off now.

On to the quote...  I love this one.  This is why I fell in love with David Wilcox's music.  He was putting into words what I had felt but couldn't articulate.  All great songwriters do, and the amazing thing is that he's able to do that for so many people.

I've been ridiculously surrounded by great friends these last couple of weeks.  When you go through a tough life changing experience, you discover more about the strength of your friendships.  It really is amazing.  So, allow me to share some "What? You too?" moments

Kelly has been a fabulous friend to me for years now.  It's funny how our friendship was kind of, not forced, but forced upon us in a positive way in the beginning.  A lady from church who was desperate for me to find a roommete connected me with her, and we had lunch a couple of times.  We connected at that point through the similiarity of working (for me it was parttime then) at the same place, and both being young, girls, and single (What?  You too?  I thought I was the only one!) 

When I started working full time, Kelly and I started growing closer, and now she is one of my best friends.  We connected through our similarities, our similar sense of humor, our liking for analysis (or maybe her tolerance of my analysis).  She is incredibly tolerant and patient.  She is always ready to listen to me and to help me out.  When Zach and I broke up she was really there for me, everything but physically holding me up.  I remember the days shortly after that happened how we started going to Bible Study together (ok, twice), and going to Rita's.  Staff parties and retreats were great as long as Kelly was there (sorry I won't be there anymore!)  We approached office politics the same way, and were able to trust each other in complete confidentiality.  She's like finding a great alliance in the game of Survivor.

Melanie-  ours is a friendship where even though we live close we might not see each other for awhile, but can pick back up and be very comfortable with each other without much of a transition time.  She and I have minds that work very similarly and we can completely understand how each of us feels inside our heads, which I don't take lightly.  "What?  You too?  I thought I was the only one!"

Rachel is one of my oldest friends, and I know that even though we might grow apart, (we've lived apart for almost 10 years now, really), that she cares for me deeply and wants what's best for me.  She's seen me through all kinds of growing periods in my life, and she's still here.

Likewise, Adam is one of my oldest friends.  We share the same sense of humor, and he has seen me through some truly instense times in my life.  I remember when I was in the perils of  my teenage angst, he was there for me on old school dial up juno email. :)

And Zach, while we don't really talk anymore, was one of the first people in my life that I was able to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to.  He was able to accept me in a way that I feared many wouldn't be able to, and he gave me hope for the future.

And there's Mary who I connected with during the time after I graduated from college.  She's a very calming presence for me.

And Cara... Wait, you dated Zach, too?  I thought I was the only one. :)  He-he.

If you're reading this and I've left you out, know that it wasn't on purpose.

You are all very dear to me, and I'm really grateful for all that you've done for me throughout the years